My ANN Spring Preview
By Moogy | April 10, 2008
AnimeNewsNetwork’s articles and forums have provided with me with hours of entertainment over the years. I think it’s time to give back.
Following is a Spring Preview guide that I have written for ANN! I’m letting you guys use it free of charge, so please enjoy. I haven’t actually watched some of these shows, but it would appear that that’s not a prerequisite for writing a review.
Kanokon - Dear gods, the fanservice! I cannot believe how such an insipidly trashy show could have ever made it to the airwaves! Such low-brow fluff is the dominion only of those most unfit for society; those known as fansubbers. Indeed, only those despicable fansubbers who download anime could possibly enjoy this show, for it features not only underaged girls, but also underaged girls with breasts! Since we all know that downloading anime is on the same level as pedophilia, I shudder to think of what this show’s target audience is. Oh, wait, it’s fansubbers. 0/5
Kure-nai: The most epic show in recent memory. Proving that action and conflict are unnecessary for a good show, Kure-nai deftly jumps over the genre lines, combining both little girls and teenage boys, with a bit of SPECIAL ABILITY thrown in for good measure. This show is more than anime because it deftly illustrates elements of shows such as Aishiteruze Baby and last year’s hit, Darker than Black. The wonderfully detailed opening animation only adds to its appeal; by the way, don’t watch fansubs. 5/5
xxxHolic Kei: The sequel to the best show ever is finally here! Featuring gorgeous CLAMP designs, this mysterious series really ramps up the mystery this season! Embrace a dark world, full of darkness and elegant darkness! See the struggles of the main characters as they learn to navigate the most gothic of pleasure! Revel in the gorgeous artwork, full of mysterious, dark, and gothic designs. This is truly a show for the ages. Don’t miss it, and make sure you watch the dub, on the R1 DVDs, after buying the R1 DVDs, and not watching a fansub. 5/5
Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2: Ugh, not another CLAMP series. This painfully racist xenophobic garbage would never fly in the good ol’ USA! How dare Japan broadcast this utter filth? If you can look past the painfully racist nationalistic overtones, you might be able to enjoy the robot fights… if you’re a preteen. Otherwise, stay far, far away from this pandering garbage. Make sure you buy the R1 DVDs of season 1 after watching it on Adult Swim, by the way. 0/5
Macross Frontier: Macross is a highly venerable series with a long tradition of being released in R1 territories. Dating back to Robotrech in the 1960s, its R1 history has been varied and interesting. Featuring excellent dubbing work, you should definitely not pass by this one. 6/5
ToLoveRu: Dear gods, the fanservice! I cannot believe how such an insipidly trashy show could have ever made it to the airwaves! Such low-brow fluff is the dominion only of those most unfit for society; those known as fansubbers. Indeed, only those despicable fansubbers who download anime could possibly enjoy this show, for it features not only underaged girls, but also underaged girls with breasts! Since we all know that downloading anime is on the same level as pedophilia, I shudder to think of what this show’s target audience is. Oh, wait, it’s fansubbers. 0/5
BLASSREITER: One of GONZO’s legally streamed shows! The gorgeous CG, stunning animation, and deep story are exactly what you would expect from GONZO, too. Experience a melancholy vision of the future… the motorcycle racing future, that is! There are also yaoi undertones, proving that this show is unafraid to challenge societal norms, and it’s totally hot. This is one of the most legal shows ever broadcast, so make sure you buy the downloadable episodes! And don’t forget to buy the R1 DVDs when they come out! 7/3
The Tower of Druaga: GONZO’s other legal show falls a bit flat, however. I must admit that I did not really understand what was going on in the first episode; it seemed to be a series of vignettes that were in fact a dream sequence? I have been told that this sequence is in fact a parody, but since it does not reference the Bible (God’s holiest book), I cannot believe that. Regardless, it is still a very legal show, so please buy it and listen to the dub. 5/5 (1/5 if it weren’t legal)
Vampire Knight: OMG, kawaii bishies! I just can’t get enough of this delicious shoujo epic… omg, so much shounen-ai xD 10/1
Neo Angelique Abyss: See above
Zettai Karen Children: Perhaps the most offensive show in recent memory. You see, not only does this utter filth feature young girls in dangerous situations (pedophile rape), but it also depicts homosexuality - both male and female! Ugh, seriously, who could watch this garbage? We all know that homosexuality goes against Our Lord Jesus Christ’s word (unless it’s between kawaii bishies >.>), so I must question why Japan feels the need to question this decree! Add that to the fact that this series is unlikely to be licensed (and dubbed), and you have pretty much the worst show ever. -infinity/5
Itazura na Kiss: Shoujo is so kawaii! Although some detractors may say that every show in the genre is the exact same (I don’t know where they would get that idea), I just can’t get enough! This is based on one of the most famousest shoujo manga ever, too! Add that to the fact that it’s quite likely to be licensed (and dubbed), and you have pretty much the best show ever! infinity/1
Chi’s Sweet Home: This show does not glorify Our Lord Jesus. 0/5
Bus Gamer: This is by the mangaka of Saiyuki, so it has kawaii bishies! Even though it’s probably completely terrible, so many bishies xD 5/5 (buy R1 DVDs)
Well, that’s it for my reviews. I hope you’ve enjoyed my stunning critiques of the hot new shows, which I definitely did not watch fansubbed. Fansubs are the most evil things on earth, and all people who watch fansubs should be burned at the stake. Buy R1 DVDs. Listen to dubs. Buy R1 DVDs… Buy R1 DVDs…
And remember, you’re not a real anime fan unless you listen to dubs, that you bought.
—
Well, in all seriousness, ANN is a completely terrible site lacking in any sort of journalistic integrity. Not only are its articles half-baked and its reviews bought or simply misinformed on every level, but its news is blatantly stolen from a variety of blogs. Add that to a hilarious, sub-fearing forum userbase, and you have the perfect recipe for humor. I hope I’ve managed to capture some of that ANN spirit in this post!
By the way, here’s ANN’s real Spring Preview Guide, so you can see just how ridiculous it is.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:44 am
5/5 Would read again.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:49 am
20/5 Best satire ever.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:08 am
OVER 9000/5 This post is made of pure win.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:14 am
9001/5
April 10th, 2008 at 10:17 am
9001/1
That was awesome.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Best reviews were for ToLoveRu and Kanokon.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Two internet cookies for you sir.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Good job. Really awesome \o/
April 10th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Actually, now that I’ve actually read the ANN preview, I must increase my rating to 10/5.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
9000+n/5, n>0.
The only thing worse than ANN reviews are ANN forum posts.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Today I read Moogy’s ANN Previews, and it shocked me in just how much of a change it had undergone from its original form. The writers responsible have taken numerous creative liberties with the source material, and that frustrates me, since obviously new, amusingly satirical work cannot be as good as straight rehashing.
The new ANN Preview panders to people who like entertaining posts, and that is something I just can’t accept since being ‘funny’ and ‘enjoyable’ are too mainstream. I felt at times the jokes were too obviously meant to induce laughter, and I couldn’t agree at all with the choices of the spring shows, how some obviously should have sucked but decided not to.
Overall, I think material like the stuff Moogy churns out is the cancer killing the blogging industry, as if we keep having posts that are ‘good’ and ‘hilarious’ it can only mean bad things.
You just don’t understand the underlying evil meanings that I am imagining in this post. Please love me.
(The satire of a satire, featuring a generic bitter aniblogger. In case it’s not obvious, your post is awesome.
In other news, I must be really bored.)
April 11th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I laughed.
But although it’s easy to take Zac Bertschy’s dogmatic tirades and apply them to all of ANN, the season previews are usually written by the half of the staff that does endorse fansubbing. So some of the “ANN haet pirates” jokes didn’t quite fit.
Still, it was funny. Feel happy.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:58 am
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